I'm a lover; I have a natural inclination for compassion and care deeply for those I become close with. It's a deep love, unique for every individual I feel it for. I will stay loyal, and fight for your happiness in every capacity I can.
This seems like a great quality, and it is for the most part. But if you're like me at all in these regards, you know it comes with a lot of pain and heartache as well. You've come to understand that you are you, and others are certaintly not you. Others do not love the same way as you, and that can often lead to faulty expectations from them.
I recently had my heart broken, in a way I never really imagined. I dealt with it more responsibly than I ever have before with heartbreak, but it still creeps into my mind and body wreaking havoc on my nervous system.
To think that someone you thought loved you fully can do things that are exact opposite of love is inconceivable to my compassionate mindset. To feel so disrespected, uncared for, pushed aside, and unloved, can sink your mind to depths no one likes to explore. I have questioned a thousand reasons as to why their behavior is this way, and why if they ever loved me they would act like I'm a small ant, but questioning really leads nowhere but further heartache.
Instead, I have tried to remind myself that there is no use to question their behaviors, because I will never understand them even if I try. They are their own person, they deal with situations and behave differently than I do. As much pain and hurt it causes, I must accept this, and do my best to move on. My heart is still heavy, and my stomach in knots, but I must accept this pain is both temporary and get this- necessary.
Necessary? Yes. Emotional pain is necessary. And once you accept this it opens the opportunity for emotional understanding and growth. In no way do I say this to imply that feeling this pain is okay, or should feel okay. It hurts like hell, and I wish it upon no one. But if you look at it as though it is a necessary emotion, when you start to heal, it will make sense. Without pain, you cannot know true happiness. Without heartache, you cannot know what true love for another human is. I'm not saying this only in terms of intimate relationships- this is true for all relationships.
Right now it may suck. It may feel like you're emotionally losing it, which can lead to terrible physical side effects. Your heart literally hurts. Everything is confusing, and hope seems pointless. But if you push through, and learn from it rather than fighting it, it can lead to amazing personal growth.
You will find a newfound sense of strength, courage, and independence. You will be better equipped to befriend people and recognize patterns of untrustworthiness. You will see people more for who they are and be able to use more caution before you give your love fully to them.
Naturally compassionate people have to do this, as they are typically inclined to give their love more freely and quickly than others. Hell, I still love the person this is in regards to, and I still have hope that deep down they still somewhat care for me, even if their actions don't show it. However, I cannot keep giving him chances to show it, as he clearly doesn't appreciate those chances. I like to believe the best in people, and though it has brought me heartache, I won't stop doing so. I have the strength, I will be okay.
How do you deal with heartache or being let down by those you love? What encourages you to push through the pain?